How to Get Over Self-Limiting Beliefs

Self-limiting beliefs can be one of the biggest barriers to success that a freelancer can face. These negative thoughts can be confidence killers that cause you to doubt your ability to make it on your own. Self-limiting beliefs are the negative opinions you hold about yourself and your abilities. They may manifest as a voice in the back of your mind that says things like “You can’t do it…You’re going to fail…You’re not smart enough…Don’t bother.”

Getting rid of self-limiting beliefs isn’t easy. Doing work on yourself and your mindset is the hardest work you can do. If you’re struggling with self-limiting beliefs, here are some things you do to get out of that negative headspace.

Read self-help books and articles

One of the best, and cheapest, ways to get over your self-limiting beliefs is to learn how to combat the negative voice in your mind. You can find books on the topic at your local library or on Amazon.

Here are some books that I’ve found helpful:

Mastering Your Mean Girl: The No-BS Guide to Silencing Your Inner Critic and Becoming Wildly Wealthy, Fabulously Healthy, and Bursting with Love by Melissa Ambrosini

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Do the (self) work

A lot of people are running around desperate to avoid silence and thinking about their lives, their actions, and their mentality. The world makes it very easy to keep yourself incredibly busy. You may never have to deal with how you feel about yourself. But if you never address your negative emotions, then you’ll eventually find yourself in a very unhappy place.

The people who become comfortable dealing with their emotions and looking at themselves with a critical eye are the ones who make the most spiritual progress in their time on Earth.

Not only is self-work spending time thinking about yourself, it’s also reading self-improvement books and trying the strategies you read about. It’s about changing your behavior as much as it as about observing it. If you are completely self-aware, but never make any changes, you won’t grow as a person.

If you’re having negative thoughts about yourself, challenge them! If you are feeling bad about yourself, ask yourself why. Have you been making poor choices that don’t reflect your desires or morals? When you act in a way that goes against your core values, you will always feel uncomfortable until you get back on the right path.

Make changes

People who say they can’t or won’t change make me very sad. In my opinion, they either think that they are perfect and could use no improvement or they think that negative traits are set in stone and it’s a waste of time to make changes.

You are on this earth for any number of years. You are not the same person in grade school that you are in college. You do not have to ‘lock in’ to any one persona or belief system, especially if it no longer works for you. If you want to change, you can. It doesn’t matter what you did or how old you are, change is possible if you want it.

Mantras and affirmations

Two more tools to fight self-limiting beliefs are mantras and affirmations. Mantras and affirmations are things that you repeat out-loud or to yourself throughout the day. These positive phrases work to “record over” the tape of negative thoughts in your mind. For example, if you’re struggling with feeling like you can’t find quality clients, you could tell yourself a few times per day, “I deserve quality clients and I will find them.”

These phrases can work for a number of self-esteem issues. Some therapists suggest looking into a mirror while you say your phrases. This may help you form a deeper connection to the message.

When I remember to, I try to recite a few mantras and affirmations throughout the day. If I’m feeling anxious about a project or meeting, I will repeat something like “I will do my best. Things will work out.”

Mantras and affirmations are easy to add to your daily routine and can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.

Talk to a therapist

If your self-limiting beliefs are very strong and you believe they have their roots in your childhood, you may want to see a therapist. I did a very helpful stint of therapy in my mid-20s to deal with issues surrounding my dysfunctional upbringing. The therapy helped immensely. Sometimes people are able to get over things from their past on their own, but other times people need help to work through their experiences and feelings. Therapy is great if you want help sorting out your thoughts.

Everyone struggles with self-limiting beliefs and negative emotions at different times in their lives. Self-limiting beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies, but it’s not hopeless. At some point, a person will become so uncomfortable doing what they’ve always done, that they will crave a change. When this happens, progress can be made. Doing the hard work on yourself can make a world of difference in all areas of your life.

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What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed by Motherhood

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, but it can also be one of the most exhausting, overwhelming and tedious ones too. At one point or another, all mothers have felt like they weren’t able to keep up with the onslaught of housework, caregiving, and maintaining their sanity.

Here are some ways to cope when you feel overwhelmed by motherhood:

  • Find a support group

In-person would be best, but if all you can find or have time for is an online group, that can work too. Support groups consist of other mothers, some in the same position as you, others who are newer to the job, and some seasoned pros. They can offer support and help. A weekly or monthly meeting can be a great place to recharge, relax, laugh and commiserate. Check Meetup groups in your area or Momsclub.

  • Ask for help

If you have a relative or a friend that you can ask for help, reach out and do so. Sometimes we don’t reach out for help because we’re embarrassed and assume that everyone else has it together. Everyone could use some extra help every now and then. Ask if someone can watch your child for a while so you can run an errand solo. Ask if someone could entertain your child while you get some things done around the house. Ask if someone could help you clean while your child sleeps. Whatever you need help with, put aside your temporary embarrassment and ask for help.

  • Take a break

When your child is napping or otherwise safely contained somewhere, take a break. Take a few deep breaths, do some stretching, read a book for a few minutes, or just leave the room. Sometimes separating yourself from the situation for a bit can help especially during toddler tantrums or newborn crying jags. When you calm down, go back and comfort and redirect.

  • Hire someone

If you don’t have regular help, you may want to hire someone to give you some time out each day. Babysitters, nannies, or ‘mother’s helpers’ can be as reasonable as $7-15 per hour depending on where you live. If you are able to pay someone to come a few days a week, it may be best for your mental health. You can find local caregivers on Care.com.

  • Find daycare

If you don’t want a babysitter coming to your house or can’t find one, you could use a drop-in home daycare service. This would allow you to bring your child for around $25-45 per day. Most commercial daycares will not allow drop-ins, but do have part-time schedules that can be as flexible as two days per week or a few hours each day.

  • Go outside

If you’re stuck in the house all day, you’re bound to get aggravated. Both you and your child need a change of scenery. Go outside! Go to the playground, the library, or take a walk around the block. Even running a few errands can break up the monotony.

  • Find free activities in your town

In most cities, there’s something free happening almost every day. Most museums and zoos have donation days where you pay whatever you can. Look up activities in your city and get out of the house. It can seem overwhelming to leave the house at first, but once you get to your destination, you’ll be glad you did. Search “free activities [your city]” or “donation day [your city]” to find lists of resources.

  • Join a gym

There are many gyms with childcare included in the membership price. The YMCA is a great example. For around $40/person per month or $70/family per month you can go to the YMCA every day and use the childcare for two hours per day. This situation is a win-win. Not only will you get some exercise, but you will also get a much-needed break.

  • Get more sleep

When you’re sleep deprived, everything is harder. Try to get to bed earlier. If your child is still waking through the night, consider sleep training. I used the SleepEasy Method to sleep train my daughter. If your child naps during the day, try to take a 20-30 minute nap with them. It’s tempting to power through your day on caffeine and sugar (I know I have!), but try not to consume them after 2 pm so you can fall asleep faster.

  • Speak to a therapist

If you’re feeling overwhelmed frequently, you may want to speak with a therapist. You could be experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety. Even if you’re not, the therapist will give you tools to help you cope with your day-to-day struggles. It’s often hard to find time to go to a therapist when you have children, but this is where babysitters, family, or friends can come in handy. You must prioritize your own health because no one else can do that for you.

Feeling overwhelmed is a normal occurrence in motherhood. Children can be demanding and exhausting and it’s stressful to have the responsibility of raising them on your shoulders. Make sure to take time for self-care. You are important.

If you feel hopeless or overwhelmed the majority of the time, please contact someone about postpartum depression/anxiety. It is very real and very serious.

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Why Freelancing was Made for Women

As freelancing gains momentum, a new category of women in the workplace is forming. These women, like myself, are creating the career paths they desire. Freelancing gives you the freedom to set your own hours, take on as much or as little work as you want, use your greatest talents while avoiding the areas where you don’t shine, and exponentially increase your salary.

Women make up more than half of the freelancers working in the US. It’s not surprising because there is a still a huge amount of disparity between the male and female work experience. Freelancing has numerous benefits for women that the traditional workplace doesn’t.

No Glass Ceilings

For as long as women have been working, glass ceilings have slowed or stopped their career progress. Instead of expending energy trying to become one of the only 24 women CEOs in Fortune 500 companies, why not create your own business and give yourself the title you want? As a freelancer, your success is based on how hard (and smart) you work instead of outdated hierarchical systems, boy’s clubs, or gender-biased career tracking.

Better Work / Life Balance

Women are still responsible for most of the household duties even when they hold traditional 9-5 jobs. To complicate matters, the bulk of childcare also falls on the female’s shoulders. Freelancing gives women more time in the home and more flexibility with their schedules. Often a job with “flexible hours” isn’t very flexible. You may deal with inefficient in-person meetings or outdated office cultures praising time spent at the desk over quality of completed work.

Women may need to take the kids to school, pick up groceries, and keep the household in order during the day. This could lead to hours looking something like this:

6-8 am : Working
8-11 am : Errands and child care
11-4 pm : Working
4-7 pm : Family time
7-9 pm : Working

Even if this schedule was approved, there would undoubtedly be pressure from coworkers to maintain a more standard schedule. Ask a Manager often receives emails complaining about coworker’s flexible schedules. What’s worse, even when you’ve earned vacation time, you may feel too pressured to take it. Many companies that offer unlimited vacation find that their employees end up using less time than those with traditional Paid Time Off allowances. Until the antiquated culture of “butts in chairs = hard work” dies, it’s going to be a struggle to have a truly flexible schedule.

With freelancing, you have much more control of not only when you work, but how much work you take on. If you need to balance your household, you can do so. If you want to spend 60 hours a week growing your business, it’s your choice. Ideally, no single client will own enough of your time to demand that you maintain traditional working hours. Seek out clients who are understanding of the changing work landscape. I’ve found my best clients are often other freelancers, entrepreneurs, and people working in small startups.

Greater Earning Potential

On average, women are making $.78 for every $1 a man makes. Freelancing can close the gap. Women can demand the pay they deserve for the work they do. In a traditional position, you have some control over your initial salary agreement and whether you receive yearly increases, bonuses or promotions. Sadly, women tend to leave money on the table in negotiations more often than men. As a freelancer, you’re able to set your own rate, adjust it per task or client, and raise rates as you gain skills instead of waiting for a yearly review to plead your case.

In an area with a low cost-of-living, such as my hometown, it’s difficult to find a high-paying job, especially in a creative field. The options are limited and there’s a lot of competition. Many people commute into the suburbs or Chicago to earn higher paychecks and work in their preferred industry. Freelancing allows people in rural areas to earn “big city” wages.

Until traditional career paths become an equal playing field for both genders, freelancing is a great option to pursue the career you’ve imagined for yourself. Whether you are currently in college, working a 9-5 job, or are a stay-at-home mom, you can start freelancing by building up a side hustle of one-off projects and part-time jobs. Once you’ve had a taste of the freelancing life, you won’t want to go back to the status quo.